Without any warning, on our way to will-call, (WON'T call more like it) you have to run a gauntlet of "Ay bro, you got any extra tickets, dog?" The response in my head? "your mom's got extra tickets... dog." But you can't throw down such "your mom"s when you haven't been properly screened for pepper spray and pocket knives. Apparently they don't want McGuyver at their games fixing squeaky seats and stabbin' fools.
Once inside, we had to make the epic journey to our seats. Section 119 never seemed so far away. But after noticing it was actually right next to the door, the panic ceased and we found our way to the green fold down chairs that were about to see one of the greatest spectacles in all of history. Or a WHL regular season game.
Have you ever sat in a season ticket holder area? You are in for a treat if that's the case. The first order of business was a lady with a bedazzled phone that needed to get by our end seats. First words out of her mouth. And I quote. "I have to squeeze my fat ass through here. I just had a burrito. Uhhhhgghhgh...." Follow up quote, "Don't worry, there were no beans." Noted. I can see how this is going to go down tonight. I like where it's heading. She was also nice enough to inform us that the Navy was giving away free crap in one of the corners. Who can resist that? Here's a list of paraphernalia that was obtained: T-shirt, pencil, pen, fake tattoos, microwave safe "reserve" cups. Things that we didn't get: water bottle and lanyards. The water bottle is still a sore spot...
Just as your getting familiar with your surroundings, the lights dim and out walks out, single handedly, the greatest form of Anthemology: Gene Sutherland, to perform the Canadian nation anthem. This is him.
The American national anthem was performed by a much more polished Navy lady. But I prefer the bold stylings of Gene Sutherland any day.
As soon as the game started, our usher, or should I say "Ursher got the voice make ya booty go (clap)", had to do a line of coke. Wait, it's Everett, so some meth. So a line of over prepared fans, including a VERY preggers lady, decided to stand in the isle. That does not go over well with season ticket holders. Here they were, minding their own business and, BAM, here's some idiots that can't find their seats. Luckily, the guy on the end of the row (with the proper game jersey on), who I'm pretty sure was made captain of the row, got up, found the ursher and let him know what he thought about having all these folks standing in the way of watching his beloved Silvertips. That got the job done. We only had one more issue with a single individual the rest of the night.
On a side note, through 2 periods we had yet to hear Party Rock Anthem, and we only got about 7 seconds of Moves Like Jagger.
During the intermissions, the Zamboni crew had a certain look that needed to be be achieved. Long skinny beard with a rubber band, and a pony tail coming out of a beanie that you know smelled like heavy pot smoke. Also, apparently Xzibit got to one of their Zambonis. "Yo dog, we know you like watching TV while you clean the ice..."
Have you ever noticed the linesmen and referee have a zipcode across their backs? There's 3 of you. 1,2, and 3 would have probably covered it for numbers. Just sayin'...
During the second intermission, I ventured over to Bobby's Hawaiian Hut for a large Mountain Dew. "Hey, how about a super sized soda for you silly sailors' stomachs?" Yikes... I guess the extreme v-neck should have told me something about you from 45 feet away. Also during the 2nd intermission, an attempt was made to purchase cotton candy. After the initial shock of them being out of it, Dippin' Dots were substituted and we tried to return to normalcy, but... I'm afraid the frost bite is just too severe and an amputation of some sort must be done.
Have you seen the t-shirt tank they have?? This was the closest I've ever been to catching a t-shirt, but I was also afraid for my life. I'm pretty sure they are traveling at well over 200mph. I think they might have even killed a little old lady last night. At least she went out doing what she loves. Enjoying junior hockey fights. There was 1. That turned into 2. And one of our Silvertips spent 17 minutes in the penalty box. And about the time that he came out, Party Rock Anthem finally got played! Holla!
Before I mentioned there was one more unruly fan. It was the classic drunk girl that can't find her seat, but she had no problem finding another cup of Longboard beer from Bobby's Hawaiian Hut. Somehow, her super stealth stumbling evaded the grasp of the ursher and she made her way halfway down the stairs where she just kind of swayed in place while the locals got restless. Someone said something to her and she said "uhhghchchchcuhchchhhhh....." and climbed back up the stairs. Moments later she was back into the game yelling the greatest suggestion in all of sporting event watching. "DO SOMETHING! uuughghghhh!"
Let's just say what happened on the ice was only good for the Prince George Cougars. (Who's mascot, we are convinced, is a 40+ year old lady in a leopard print, 1 piece, tight, low cut, short, cleavage revealing, dress. Who is too touchy.)
Alright, so it's a Snooki costume. Let's be honest.
I digress. The game ended in a 4-1 total domination by the Cougars. But the off ice entertainment made it a memorable night.
As we made our way outside, we were pelted with hail. And I was all, "Oh HAIL no!"
The end.
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